Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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