I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
