I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
