Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
