bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
