This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
