i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
