"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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