Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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