i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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