so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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