don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
