One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
