Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I will be naked everywhere
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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