So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
