I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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