I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
