Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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