Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
