Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
