please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
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BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize