Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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