I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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