I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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