I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
