with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
