there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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