oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
