i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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