I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish my penis had a tongue
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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