We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
