she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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