Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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