one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
