Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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