Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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