is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
