well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
