I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
