one might say we're banned from that church
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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