sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
