How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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