Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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