take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
