ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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