Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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