She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have tasted many bathrooms
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
