He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
