Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
