Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
