I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
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There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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