So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
