i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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