You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
