On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
