mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
