I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
Love having children with random chicks
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.