Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"

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(586): The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain" http://tfl.nu/88as

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(518): View more from New York

I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.

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(518): I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw. http://tfl.nu/ptpv

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(805): View more from California

Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.

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(805): Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response. http://tfl.nu/yy5l

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(740): View more from Ohio

He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over

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(740): He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over http://tfl.nu/br0o

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(417): View more from Missouri

Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?

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(417): Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"? http://tfl.nu/n06e

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(941): View more from Florida

Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.

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(941): Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't. http://tfl.nu/qxou

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.

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(306): Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess. http://tfl.nu/uhd6

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(720): View more from Colorado

I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.

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(720): I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony. http://tfl.nu/wqpi

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.

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(412): Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently. http://tfl.nu/q1xe

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(765): View more from Indiana

His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.

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(765): His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison. http://tfl.nu/cqq3

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.

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(970): I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh. http://tfl.nu/93er

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.

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(908): I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling. http://tfl.nu/t9ar

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(623): View more from Arizona

Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.

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(623): Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing. http://tfl.nu/8dgm

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.

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(250): Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher. http://tfl.nu/t3xh

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(907): View more from Alaska

Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.

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(907): Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens. http://tfl.nu/yi6v

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