I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.