dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!