Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
