You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me