i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
