oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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