Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
as a side note pls kill me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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