it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
