who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
