Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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