we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
