Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
