i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
