I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
