just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
