I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
