There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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