I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
