we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
