Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
