Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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