I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
