he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
