he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
