I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
